Abandoned
by yoyoente
Summary: When Edward left Bella, he left her broken in more than one way. She never recovered from that first week of catatonia and wound up in a Florida asylum. UP FOR ADOPTION!
1. Moved

**A/N:** For those that have been reading my other stories (Numb But Moving and Hunted) THIS is the cause of all my problems. Whenever I try and concentrate on writing the next chapter for those stories, the idea for this story (or another) pops into my head, so I was finally like, "screw it! I'll just write it!" So...here we are. As an explanation, this story is in first person narrative from Bella's POV except there's a lot she can't see or know about, so that's written in third person. It seems to switch back and forth, but I hope it makes sense! :) ALSO! For this chapter I recreated the Edward leaving Bella scene a little, I know it's not the same, it's not supposed to be.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

_**Abandoned**_

**  
Chapter One: Moved**

He had left me.

After months and months of quoting his undying love, he had said it was all lies. That he had never loved me.

The love of my life never loved me back.

_  
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." His eyes were hard, cold. _

_"You…don't…want me?" I was confused. The words didn't sound right in that order._

_"No." His face held no apology no matter how long I stared. There was no contradiction to what he had said there. He wasn't lying._

_I continued to stare at him, realizing just how right his words were. Just how wrong I had been for ever having believed that someone as perfect as him could _ever_ even _think_ about wanting to be with me._

_It hurt – because I knew it was true._

_"No…_no_." I shook my head, more trying to deny my own conclusion than at what was going on around me. _

_"I'm _tired_ Bella. Tired of this, of pretending to be something I'm not. I'm a vampire, not a human and it's time for a change." _

_The tears that welled up in my eyes were uncontrollable. I didn't feel like I had any actual control over my body anymore. If I did I would have thrown myself at his feet, asking for him to stay. To at least stay. I understood if he had never loved me. Why would he? But to leave, I didn't know if I could survive that. Then something else he had said struck home._

_"Alice? Emmett? They're not staying are they?"_

_He shook his head, as if pointing out something simple to a child. "No. They're gone, I'm only here to say goodbye. I thought a clean break would be better. It will be like we never existed."_

_Little spots of white spread across my vision. I was dizzy from the intensity of the situation. I opened my mouth to say something, anything. Anything at all, but nothing came out. I felt like a fish above water. _

_Taking a deep, hitched breath, I realized the situation wasn't the only thing making me dizzy. I could feel myself swaying slightly under the hard gaze that had once been warm, loving. _

_Edward took a step forward, putting a hand on my shoulder to steady me. The comforting touch was only that much more painful when he bent to peck me quickly on the forehead._

_"Goodbye Bella."_

_The moment my eyes had closed to savor his last kiss – no matter how painful is was – he was gone. I opened my eyes with a snap. "Wait! No!" But he was gone. I knew it was too late, he would be miles away before the words had even left my mouth._

_I stood, swaying, in that spot, looking at where he had disappeared. _

_I knew it was pointless, stupid even. But my legs carried me farther into the forest. Whether I hoped he was waiting just out of sight for me to find him, or if I was hoping that something would do me the mercy of being a bloodthirsty, vicious creature, I don't know. What I did know, was that I ambled forward, tears streaming down my face, hoping for one last look at my love. My Edward._

_Being the klutz I am, I fell more than once. It wasn't until after all light was gone from the forest that I fell for the last time. I didn't get up. I didn't want to exist. All reason for what I had been was gone with Edward and the rest of his family. Call me melodramatic if you want, but he had been my life, my future. And then it was all gone._

_Eventually, I had been able to hear voices in the woods. They were calling out something I recognized, my name. I had known that I should call back, let them know where I was, but I didn't have the strength. All of my strength had been going to holding myself together._

_I don't know how long it was exactly, but eventually a russet-skinned man found me. I hadn't recognized him, but could do nothing when he picked me up._

_He had asked if I was hurt, but I couldn't answer. Yes I had been hurt, more than anyone or anything could repair. The only person that could truly mend my heart did not love or care about me and had left. _

_The tears were gone. My pain was too deep for mere tears to relieve. _

_I had heard the bustle of activity. I was even able to see the lights on in what must have been my house, but I could have reacted no more than I could fly. It wasn't until my old childhood doctor was asking me whether I was hurt that I could respond. I shook my head quickly, hoping it would make the others leave faster. Unfortunately it hadn't appeared to be that simple. He continued to ask questions, but I couldn't respond with my voice, I could only nod or shake my head._

_Eventually he had pronounced that I was probably in a bit of shock from the stress I had been under. I wanted to laugh hysterically as his comment. It was beyond what would be called an understatement. _

_After the search party had left, Charlie's questions had come. He wanted someone to blame and chose his victim wisely._

_"Did he leave you? Out there in the woods?"_

_I shook my head hard. "He left me in sight of the house, I walked in further. It was my fault. I was stupid." In more than one way. I felt stupid for ever thinking he _could_ have loved someone like me and for the fact that even after he told me it was all a lie, that I still loved him and could not blame him. _

_"That irresponsible-" I had been able tell Charlie didn't care about my explanation. He just wanted someone, anyone, to blame._

_"Don't dad. He didn't do anything. I…I just can't talk about it anymore. I'm going to bed." I had shot up the stairs as fast as I could, ignoring my father calling after me._

_When in my room I had noticed a very odd thing: the album Renee had gotten me was sitting on the corner of my desk. My hands shook as I reached to grab it. Something Edward had said stuck out in my mind. _It will be as if we never existed.

_I had opened the album and my fears were confirmed. The only thing to remind me of the pictures of him and his family were the little captions I had written, all the actual pictures were gone. _

_Abandoning the little album I looked in my closet. None of the birthday presents I had received were there, nothing to remind me of them. _

_Lastly, I turned to my CD player. My hands had been shaking so hard I don't know how I managed to open it. It was gone, the CD that held my lullaby. Anything that he had ever given me was gone._

_The reality of the situation had set in as I curled up on my bed. I had still been in the muddy, torn clothes that I had been found in, I even still had my shoes on, but that didn't matter. He was gone. That was all that mattered._

I don't know how long it was since _that_ happened. Little had changed. I was still swimming in the pain. My body was unresponsive to my will, not that I actually wanted to do anything.

I hadn't even moved from being curled up on my bed.

-x-

Renee arrived in Forks by request of Charlie. Her little girl had been found lost in the woods a week prior, after her boyfriend left her there, and she hadn't moved or said a word since that night.

Renee knew that she wasn't the most mature or responsible of people, but she had always had Bella to help her with that. The idea that her baby girl, who had always been so lively, kind, and mature, was unresponsive to anything or anyone was horrifying.

She arrived at the house she had once shared with Charlie 17 years ago, hardly noticing the fact that almost nothing had changed. Renee was focused on helping her daughter, even if it meant she had to take her to Florida and force her into a new life.

-x-

I could hear my parents talking about me. Renee was there, it sounded almost like she was taking me. But where? My mind was groggy and slow with pain.

It wasn't until they began pulling clothes out of drawers that I understood. Renee was taking me to Florida. I heard the term "new start" somewhere in their conversation and it was suddenly obvious what they wanted.

I wanted to scream at them. I wanted to force them to understand that I _couldn't_ leave. Not if I wanted to retain any of the sanity I had left. If I was to go to Florida, where there was nothing to remind me of him, then how would I know if he had ever been real? How would I be able to survive thinking that the love of my life, that the intensity of the feelings I had were all fake? That they were a dream of some kind and he had never existed?

I wanted to kick and scream. To throw a tantrum like a two-year-old, but I couldn't, the pain I was in felt like an ocean surging around me. Any time I tried to fight for the surface, to control my body or mouth, a new wave would push me back down into the depths.

When we landed in Florida I knew it was over. I would never be able to fight to get _back_ to Forks. I gave up fighting, letting myself sink deeper and deeper.

-x-

When Renee began packing Bella's clothes she saw something in her little girl. It was almost like a spark of life behind her eyes. Renee had never seen her daughter as lifeless and drawn as she had found her curled in her bed, so she took that little bit of life as a good omen. She believed that maybe her daughter understood that she was going to Florida; that she was going to live with her mother again and was beginning to come back to herself.

After getting to her own house in Florida, Renee began to worry once again. That little spark of life in those deep brown eyes was gone.

-x-

Edward sat in his room in a tight ball. He hadn't moved for days, leaving his stereo on random repeat so he could try and listen away the pain.

It wasn't working.

For once in his life as a vampire he was able to block out his family's thoughts. They all mainly centered mainly around him or Bella. His family understood his reasons for leaving Bella; most of them, however, did not approve.

Both Carlisle and Esme refused to voice their opinions out loud, but they couldn't help their thoughts. Some of which weren't kind.

Alice and Emmett were both furious, Alice more so than Emmett. Both did not believe that Bella would be any better without their family in her life and were constantly trying to think so at him.

Jasper sided with his wife, but he didn't lecture Edward. Even without any of the family or Bella blaming him for his actions on her birthday, Jasper still felt immensely guilty for the whole situation.

Thinking about his family did Edward no good. All those thoughts he had made such a strong effort to ignore came flooding back. It wasn't Alice's new round of I-can't-believe-you-did-that-to-her that caused him to snap. No. It was Rosalie's self-centered unsympathetic thought: _She was just a human. Get over it._

Edward snarled loudly, slamming his stereo off. Disregarding the thought of taking anything with him, he ran out of his room and the house. He didn't care _where_ he was going, but he couldn't stand to be in that house with those thoughts anymore.


	2. Confrontation

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Two: Confrontation**

_Months Later…_

Edward sat in the same fetal position he had kept himself in for most the time he had been away from Bella. Only when the thirst was too strong to ignore did he go hunting. Otherwise, Edward stayed in cheap motels, away from his family.

For a while, he had attempted to track Victoria. He didn't actually think she was a threat, but the fact that she knew Bella and that one of her traveling group had been killed to protect Bella, left an uneasy feeling about her. He had wanted to take care of her so there was nothing to worry about regarding Bella's safety, but as it turns out, he was not a good tracker.

More recently, Edward had been trying to convince himself to check on Bella. He wanted, no, _needed_, to know if she was alright. To see with his own eyes how she was doing and if she was happy. The only problem was whether he would be able to actually leave again if he were to see her. He knew that if there was any chance she would take him back he would beg, for all of eternity if necessary, to win her heart back.

The memory of her horrorstruck face when he told her his family was leaving made up his mind for him. He would go to see Bella. If she was decently happy without him he would leave her to her human life. If she wasn't, he would beg, grovel, do _anything_ to make her love him again.

With that personal agreement in his head, Edward set out to look for his love.

-x-

Charlie was not the man Edward had known. He looked ten years older than he had before the Cullens had left only months prior.

Edward stood just out of sight in the trees behind the Swan household, hoping to catch a glimpse of his love. Seeing Chief Swan as ragged as he was caused a slight panic to rise in Edward's stomach.

Was Bella sick? Had something happened to her? What else could have Charlie, the generally cheery man, looking so drawn and old?

One thought told Edward everything: _Oh Bella…I haven't heard anything about you in forever. I hope you're doing better in Florida._

So Bella had opted for a new start in Florida. Edward headed back to his family, unsure of what to do next. He had conflicting emotions. He was happy that Bella was doing what he wanted her to do: be human. But another part of him, the part he thought of as selfish, was upset that she had appeared to move on, that she wasn't waiting for him to come back to her in Forks.

-x-

Alice was slightly excited Edward had decided to come back to his family, even if it was only for a little while. She wanted to start telling him that he should see Bella, at least go and _see_ her just to know how she was doing, and that was so much easier when he was there in person. She had seen him, before they left, eventually giving in and going back to Bella, but she wanted to help the process along.

Alice skipped to the door, in order to open it for Edward to enter.

"Don't start," was all he said. Obviously he had heard her plans, but that did nothing to deter her.

_But Edward! You want to see her; you need to see if she is okay. _I_ need to _know_ that she is alright and since you won't let me see into her future, going to see her is the only other option! _Alice started their circular argument in her head, knowing the rest of the family was probably sick of hearing it.

"Alice. Stop."

_No Edward, you stop. You need to stop being so stupid! It's ridiculous. Did you really think that you would leave and she would just move on, knowing you still loved her?_

Edward twitched slightly, something he hadn't done before. _What, Edward? What hit a nerve, that she'd move on? _He stayed stalk still. _Or that she knows you still love her?_ There was a definite unconsciously guilty twitch.

_Okay, so it's that. But why would you be guilty about her knowing you love her. Of course she would know. You were leaving to protect her! Surely she knows _that_! _Again, he twitched. Alice didn't need to be psychic to gather the meaning behind those unintentional revelations. _Are you telling me she doesn't know why you left? How on earth were you able to leave her if she didn't know?! How could you just say "I love you, but I'm sorry, I have to leave."? That just doesn't make any… _The look on Edward's face hit Alice hard with realization.

_No! _NO_! You didn't tell her you didn't love her did you?! Oh my dear lord! EDWARD! What did you do to her?! Do you have any idea how that would feel?! Imagine if one day Bella had walked up to you and told you she didn't love you anymore, that she was leaving and didn't care about you? How would you feel?_

"It's not the same," he mumbled.

"The HELL it's not the same! What, you're a vampire, and she's a human, therefore she couldn't possibly love you as much as you love her? When did Rosalie rub off on you?"

"It isn't the same. She is a human, she'll forget this. She'll move on, marry another human and live happily."

"Right. I'm sure she'll forget you soooo easily. Yeah, that's it. A week after you left, she was probably dating Mike Newton because it was only you that kept her from doing it. Don't you get it, Edward? You were the only one she wanted!"

"Things change. Humans change."

"You really think she'd move on so easily? You really think that's all her love was?" By that time, most of the family had congregated outside the room they were standing in. It wasn't like them to get into shouting matches, but Alice was so angry with Edward that she didn't care what the rest of her family thought.

"She already has!" Alice had opened her mouth to start arguing back but stopped short.

"What?" She asked blankly, confused by what he meant.

"She already has, Alice. She's moved on with her life, she's happy."

"What? Impossible. How would you even know?"

"I went there Alice. I went to Forks before coming here. If she was happy I'd leave her alone, if she wasn't I'd beg to be allowed back into her life. But she was happy, so I left."

Alice eyed him, suspicious. She didn't believe that Bella could have actually moved on so quickly, it didn't seem possible with how much she had loved Edward. Jasper had compared it to the feelings Alice herself held for her husband and she _knew_ she would ever be able to get over losing him. "You actually _saw_ her happy? You didn't just rely on the thoughts of the people that know her, did you?"

Edward's eyes glanced quickly to the side and then back, "yes."

He was lying. She snorted without humor. "You're an idiot Edward."

Sighing sadly, Edward nodded.

Knowing she couldn't believe him, Alice did the one thing she hadn't done in over six months, she looked into Bella's future. Alice heard the distant snarl from Edward, furious at her for doing what he had asked her not to, but she was too focused on and confused by what she saw. There was nothing really to see, but it wasn't like normal, it wasn't as if her future had disappeared, it was just darkness, as if Bella's future was in a dark room.

As she came out of her vision, she saw Edward looking at her with his head cocked to the side. She was just as confused as he looked.

"What does that mean Alice?" Edward's anger was forgotten.

But all she could do was shake her head. She didn't know; that kind of vision had never happened before and she didn't know what it meant.


	3. Asylum

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Three: Asylum**

I enjoyed the darkness. Well, I enjoyed it as much as someone without joy could. It was comforting not to have to look at other people, and have to see their happiness. Also, the light reminded me of _him_.

I knew it probably would seem ridiculous to anyone else that I felt the way I did, that I remained as I was, but I didn't care about other's opinions anymore.

The only time I had consciously moved in the past months was when _they_ had tried to take me out of my room. The first time I hadn't known what they were doing until they brought me into the sun. It was beautiful, it really was, but it reminded me too much of _him_ and I was in enough pain without reminders.

After that, they left me alone. Alone in the darkness and as weird as it may sound, it was slightly comforting.

I knew it couldn't last forever, but I lived for the present. I had no future and so any comfort I could find from the pain I was constantly drowning in was accepted.

-x-

Renee left her Florida home to visit her daughter. It had been six months since she had been forced to put Bella where she had and Renee was no happier with the decision at present than when she had made it.

The only time Bella had made any sort of movement or spoken at all was when she had been asleep, and those movements and words still sent chills down Renee's spine. Bella had screamed and thrashed every night for the week following her arrival in Florida. When she was awake, Bella did nothing. Absolutely nothing.

She wasn't quite catatonic, she had muscle and stimulus reactions, but otherwise, she refused to eat, drink, speak, or move. Renee finally conceded that she could no longer take care of her daughter if she could not even get her to eat, and sought out professional help.

The idea to visit her unresponsive daughter was spur of the moment. Phil was at work and Renee had nothing in particular planned, so she decided talking with the doctor about her daughter's "condition" would be a good way to pass the time. Not to mention actually seeing Bella.

Renee hoped that this time when she saw her daughter, Bella would look slightly better than she had the previous time, instead of far worse. The facility fed Bella intravenously since she refused to eat, so it wasn't a loss of weight or nutrition that made Bella look drawn, it was her eyes.

Each time Renee had come to visit her, Bella's eyes seemed to be filled with more agony than before. At first, Renee had blamed it on the fact that they kept her in a dark room, secluded from the staff and other patients, but when she had seen Bella's reaction when she had insisted that the staff move her daughter outside, Renee knew it was not the truth.

It had been the most response Bella had shown in months, but not in a good way. As soon as the sunlight had come into view Bella shrieked and bolted up over the wheelchair she had been into, back to her room. The staff hadn't strapped her down, since she usually remained unresponsive, so they were shocked when the girl basically flipped over backwards to get away from the daylight.

Renee conceded defeat and spent the rest of her visits in the dark with Bella, talking to her. She hoped and prayed that Bella would begin talking back, but she was impatient. That was what today was for. Today Renee was heading to the facility in order to demand answers from the doctor that had been looking over Bella as to why her daughter was no better, and was in fact worse, after months in the asylum, than she had been before entering.

-x-

Alice's face went blank as she had a vision. Edward had left to go hunting the day before. He had promised he would come back to at least say goodbye before heading somewhere else when he had finished.

Her face contorted in shock and horror as the vision faded. Jasper was immediately at her side, trying to use his words, body and special gift to comfort Alice, to no avail. She was sobbing hysterically and would only repeat the same thing: "Bella, oh Bella. No, no, no, no. I'm so sorry Bella. So sorry. Oh Bella."

Jasper didn't know exactly what was wrong, but from the amount of horror and grief coming from his wife he could only guess. Still holding his dry-sobbing wife, Jasper yelled for Emmett to find and drag back (if necessary) Edward.

-x-

Edward entered his family's home very angry and confused. He had been hunting when Emmett appeared, running full tilt towards him. Without explanation, his brother had picked Edward up, locking his arms to his sides so he couldn't fight back and ran back towards the house.

All thoughts of anger and aggravation quickly left his mind when Edward saw Alice sobbing and heard what she was saying through the minds of the rest of his family.

Edward ran faster than he ever had to his little sister. He knew he had never actually seen how Bella was, but he had had no reason to think that she was not living happily in sunny Florida.

As soon as Alice saw Edward her face contorted from horror and grief to pure fury. He was shocked to see little hyper Alice looking like the demon bitch from hell that he knew she could be. Nothing explained her reaction from her thoughts, they were a mixture of anger and grief. _How…how…how could he?! Oh Bella…I'm so sorry._

Alice laughed at the look of confusion on Edward's face. She knew the sound was nothing like her normal tinkling laugh, it was something much more animalistic and manic sounding, but she didn't care about appearances now. It was a frightening sound and she was perversely happy when Edward flinched from it.

"Bella's happy is she? She's moved on? Yes, you were right. She's moved on to a whole new life." Again, Alice laughed manically. She sounded quite insane. "It's just a little different than we expected. No foul though right? I don't know, you tell me." The cruel smile that had been on her face disappeared as Alice looked at Edward in cold hatred.

Edward's eyes widened in horror as he saw the same vision Alice had seen hours before.

_A man was talking to a woman. The man was behind his desk in a white lab coat and the woman, who appeared to be Bella's mother, seemed to speaking very heatedly. Completely ignored and in the corner, farthest in the shadows, sat Bella. She was wearing a very plain pajama set even though the other two persons in the room were in full day clothes. Bella appeared to be staring at the wall beside her, ignoring the other people just as they were ignoring her._

Alice looked at Edward with that cruel smile on her face again. "Did you get it? Did you see her brand new life? Isn't it wonderful? You did of course understand where she was, yes? You're right, she did move on, just not in the way you had hoped." Edward seemed too shocked to speak, so Alice turned to the family to fill them in.

"Bella, it appears, has begun a new life in Florida." The family nodded slightly, waiting for further explanation. "In an asylum."

The cold hard look returned to Alice's face as comprehension and then horror flashed across her family's faces. Even Rosalie seemed upset by the news. The Cullens as an entirety, minus one, rounded on Edward who was still staring at Alice, as if hoping she would whip out a clown hat and scream "April Fools!" But there was no joke in what had occurred.

Edward stood swiftly, deciding that he needed to find Bella, to fix what he had done to her, if he could. But before he could even pick up his foot Alice was speaking.

"Don't you _dare_." Her voice was pure venom. "You've done enough. Besides, what were you going to do? Go to her mother and ask where she was? _You_ did this, you _caused_ this, do you really think she would just tell you?"

Edward sank to his knees, knowing she was right. He had tried to protect Bella and had only caused her more problems. The rest of his family snapped in action, talking through plans. They began discussing the possibility of one of them becoming either a doctor or nurse in the facility she was at and then smuggling her out. He immediately volunteered.

The rest of the Cullens looked at him incredulously. But he refused to back down. "You're right Alice, I caused this. I need to fix it."

She laughed without humor. "What? You're going to fix her and then leave her again? That's not fixing the problem Edward. That's just causing more problems, more pain."

He cringed from her words and thoughts. "No. I won't leave her again. If she'll have me I'll never leave her again."

Alice's gaze softened slightly before hardening again. "Alright. Edward is the most reasonable choice anyways. He's the one that actually needs to convince Bella."

Rosalie took them all by surprise, "why is she there? I mean _why_ would Bella be in the nuthouse?" Edward growled. "Oh shut up. I mean, was she voicing crazy things like about us being vampires? Or is she there for a different reason?"

Everyone except Edward and Alice looked momentarily uneasy. "No. I don't think she's there for ranting about us."

"What do you mean Alice?" Rosalie seemed bent on knowing, so Edward told her what frightened him most about Alice's vision.

"She looked empty Rose. Like she wasn't there. She was, of course, but not in mind." He felt ashamed and pained just admitting what he had done to her.

Rosalie's eyes widened slightly before she looked away, for once her thoughts were not about herself. The rest of his family looked at Edward with a variety of emotions on their faces: guilt, pain, worry, horror, determination.


	4. Hallucinations

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Four: Hallucinations**

I awoke into darkness. After years of having a regular schedule, I knew it was still night even without seeing the outside. The only question then was why I had awoken.

I didn't move from my curled up position, I never did, but I was instantly aware that I was not alone in my room. I had spent months in the dark, deprived of anything visual, and it appeared that the rest of my senses had heightened.

Using said senses, I could tell there was someone standing just on the inside of the door. Someone very familiar, his was a scent I would never forget.

_He _took one would-be silent step towards me, he seemed cautious, as though I'd bite. Oh the irony.

I couldn't help it anymore. I knew I would sound completely insane, but after the coming of this hallucination I knew I was. The nuthouse had apparently brought out the crazy in me. I laughed. Hysterically.

Rolling myself so I was facing and leaning against the padded wall, I continued laughing. It eventually turned to giggles, which in turn became sobs. I had laughed at the situation until it truly sunk it. I was hallucinating about the love of my life. I was at that point, officially crazy and would never be normal again. I hadn't ever wanted to _be_ normal, not since I met _him_ anyways, but with hallucinations I would probably be stuck in this loony bin for the rest of my life.

It had been so long since I had actually cried, but it had also been so long since I had thought directly about _him_. I had had enough pain without intentionally inflicting it upon myself by thinking about him. The fact that I had begun to hallucinate about him must have meant that my mind was finally trying to kill itself.

As soon as I started sobbing _he_ was at my side, rubbing my back. I stiffened against his touch but continued to sob, wondering how my hallucination could feel so real, but I figured that your mind can make anything appear to be real.

_He_ tried to sooth me with words. Saying my name and then finally humming my lullaby when the others failed. Not even my lullaby worked though, I knew he wasn't real, and I knew this would hurt all that much more in the morning when I had a feeling the hallucination would no longer be here.

Eventually I stopped sobbing and began giggling again, knowing I was officially insane and extremely entertained that I had actually gone insane while already inside the nuthouse.

After a time he finally left my back and I relaxed slightly, my giggling subsided.

"I'm so sorry Bella." With that he stepped back out my padded door, locking it behind him. I immediately began to sob again, hoping for the waves of pain to finally overcome my consciousness. It wasn't long before my wish was granted.

-x-

Edward stood outside Bella's door, listening to her sobs that were difficult to hear, due to the almost soundproof walls. He had asked about each of the patients from the other night staff so he would have an excuse to hear about Bella and how she had been, but after learning about her, he had almost wished he hadn't.

Bella, it appeared, was unresponsive to everyone and pretty much anything. The only time she ever said anything was in her sleep, and that was the reason she was in a soundproof room. The aid he had been speaking with had only told Edward that she had screamed bloody murder in her sleep, but Edward heard the aid's memory of her bone-chilling shrieks.

The first few nights she had been in a normal room that carries sound. The staff had thought she was being murdered in her sleep. It only took two nights before she was moved, a new record set by the very insistent and troubled night staff.

Edward had been looking forward to being with her during the night. He had hoped that he would be able to hear her talk in her sleep the first night before he had decided to talk to her, but as soon as he had entered her room, she had awoke. Then she had done the one thing he had never expected.

He had taken a step towards her, knowing that as a human she should never had been able to know he was there or that he was moving towards her, but by her heartbeat picking up, she had.

Then she had laughed. If he had had any thoughts wondering why anyone would ever think she could actually be called crazy, they were quickly stomped down by her manic laughter.

When it had turned to sobs he was horrified. More than ever, he had wished he could read her mind and know the reason for her laughter and then tears, but, alas, he could not. He had tried his best to comfort her without curling her up to his chest, but it had seemed to have no effect.

Edward wondered briefly whether he was actually helping anything or hurting her further by being there as he headed back to his family.

-x-

It was the next evening. Edward had tried to make his rounds quickly to reach Bella before she had fallen asleep, but he had failed. As he opened the door to her "room", he could hear that her breathing and heartbeat were even and steady: she was asleep. But as soon as he shut the door behind him, her heart stuttered and picked up speed: she was awake.

Edward decided this time the best approach was to be direct and try to talk to her. Bella's back was to him, but he remained undeterred as he walked over and then sat next to her. She stiffened slightly at his closeness.

"Bella…" Upon saying her name, Bella began giggling again. Edward sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Bella, please look at me." She didn't move, not even a flinch. Edward sighed once again, knowing he would have to take complete control of the situation to get anything more from her. He carefully scooped Bella up into his arms, cradling her as he had done so many times before.

"Bella, Bella. What am I going to do with you?" She was stiff in his arms but still started giggling. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know leaving would do this to you. I just thought I was doing the right thing. That you would move on; that you would be able to lead a regular human life without me. I'm so sorry."

Bella's giggles became slightly louder at his confession. Honestly confused, Edward was unsure of what to do next. He thought over the memory of when he had left her, wincing, and made a mental list of everything he needed to tell her.

"I lied, Bella." Her giggling stopped. She seemed to actually be listening to him. "When I told you I didn't want you. I lied. I could never want anyone _but_ you. I love you with everything that I am. You are my reason for living, the only thing that causes me happiness. I love you and I lied because I thought I was protecting you from us, from my family and what we are, but then this happened. It seems like any time I try to protect you I end up hurting you in some other way. I'm so sorry."

Bella began to fluxuate between giggling and softly laughing. It was a wonderful sound to his ears, but Edward could tell it was hollow. He decided to do the only thing he could think of. He kissed her. It felt wonderful, pressing his lips to his loves after what felt like forever. She didn't respond, she seemed too shocked to, but he didn't care, he loved her and wanted to show her just how much.

It was short lived though. When Bella's mind seemed to catch up with what he was doing, she tried to pull away. She couldn't escape his iron grasp, but he did stop kissing her. He didn't even know whether she loved him anymore, or if she was furious with him. He expected her to be, but he was willing to spend forever groveling if he had to.

What he hadn't expected was her reaction. She cried. Full blown sobs. Bella curled into an even smaller ball than Edward thought should have been possible and continued to cry in his arms. Edward was flustered. He had not expected this reaction and didn't know what to do. He let his slight human instincts take over. Rocking her and rubbing her back simultaneously, Edward tried to soothe her.

"I'm sorry Bella. I won't do that again, not if you don't want me to." She seemed to cry harder than ever. "Oh, my Bella. My sweet, sweet Bella. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do. You have to tell me what you want Bella. I'm so lost." Edward continued to rock Bella as he started planting kisses all over her face – carefully avoiding her lips – and all along her hands. "Oh I'm so sorry Bella. You have no idea how much I have missed you, longed for you. I don't know how I ever lived without you. I won't ever leave you again."

Bella's sobs eventually died out, leaving her hiccupping and sniffling. Edward hummed her lullaby softly and this time she relaxed and fell asleep.

He knew he shouldn't, especially not without talking to his family first, but Edward knew that no amount of conversations (or lack thereof on her part) in this padded room would ever make Bella understand just how much he cared for and wanted her.

Being careful not to wake her up, Edward stood and opened the door. He couldn't hear any of the staff's thoughts anywhere near, so he took off running, invisible to the human eye. He laid Bella gently across the backseat of his car, knowing that no one would notice he had skipped out on the last part of his shift or that Bella was missing for at least another few hours.

Edward drove to the little country house the Cullens were renting, knowing he would have a lot of explaining to do.

-x-

_He_ came again. This time I was less shocked than before, but the hallucination still caused hysterical giggles. I guess that's what happens when you go crazy, you laugh for no reason.

When he picked me up and began to tell me he was sorry I couldn't help but laugh harder. Of course my subconscious would want to soothe me in some way. To make it seem as though he actually did love me and left me for my own protection, or something to that effect. And look! I was right! That's what he said.

I laughed even harder, it seemed hilarious to guess what my subconscious would come up with and then have it actually come to be.

The one thing I had never expected, the thing I never thought could be recreated by my imagination was his kiss. I was unresponsive, I knew that I should have at least tried to enjoy it, but it hurt too much. If my subconscious was actually trying to help soothe me, it was failing miserably.

I held myself tighter, crying, because I knew that I would never actually feel that kiss again. It hurt. I hated myself for forcing this stupid hallucination upon myself, but I was also slightly comforted by the cold embrace.

As he apologized it gripped the little pieces that were left of my heart. He sounded so lost, confused, and hurt that _I_ wanted to comfort _him_. The only thing that kept me from doing so, was knowing that he wouldn't be there in the morning; that when I awoke again, the hallucination would be gone, leaving behind the pain of being abandoned once again.

I eventually fell asleep. I don't quite know how I was able to actually relax enough to fall asleep, but I did.

...

**A/N:** Now before you review going "WTF? Why won't she say his name?" Remember in New Moon? Bella couldn't say Edward's name 'cause it hurt too much. So she just refers to him as, well, him...hahaha. Hope that makes sense. :)


	5. Family

**A/N:** This story is most definitely not over! :) I hope it will be over soon...in like another four or five chapters...and hopefully THEN I'll be able to concentrate on my other stories. Yeah, let's hope for that. Anyway, I'm sorry, this one is awfully short, but I thought it was a good spot to stop.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

**Chapter Five: Family**

Edward was right when he thought he'd have a lot of explaining to do. When he returned home, the entire Cullen family was waiting for him in the front room, Alice had obviously told them. Each family member looked ready to burst with questions or accusations but he silenced them with a sharp look towards the sleeping Bella in his arms.

"I'll just lay her down and be right back." He said quickly.

Edward went to the room that was supposed to be his. The house was a rental so it had all the accommodations for normal humans, most importantly: beds. He laid Bella on the bed, carefully tucking her in. Edward planted one swift kiss on her forehead before returning to his family.

"Before you start, I had to. I'm sorry." Edward held up his hands – the classic and international "I come in peace" symbol. "They had her locked in a padded cell by herself and anytime I would come in she would either cry or laugh. I don't know why. I almost think she didn't believe it was me, that she was hallucinating, it would explain her reactions.

"I just knew that sitting in the dark and trying to explain my mistakes in the confines of that place wouldn't work. I needed to get her out. I wasn't seen and no one will even know she's missing for hours. We had talked about kidnapping her out of there anyway, I just did it sooner." Edward chuckled nervously.

The rest of his family sighed. They understood his decision but were slightly wary about the abruptness of it. It looked as though Carlisle was about to say something when a thump from behind interrupted them.

Edward whipped around to see Bella sitting on the stairs, having obviously just sat down – hard – before she started once again to giggle. He turned back to his family, raising his eyebrows slightly in a "see what I've been dealing with" gesture, before running at vampire speed to Bella. He scooped her up, quickly checking her now stiff body for any obvious injury, before carrying her back up the stairs.

He set her back on his bed, looking down at her large brown eyes. All trace of humor was gone, leaving a look of exhaustion, curiosity, and, if he trusted his eyes, Edward thought he also saw a small bit of hope. He would have to ask Jasper to be sure, but at that moment, he was with his Bella.

Edward cupped Bella's cheek in his hand. She seemed even smaller and more fragile than ever, but he would do anything to protect her.

"Please sleep Bella." She blinked once at him, glancing at the bed, and then, to his surprise, she smiled slightly before lying down. Bella closed her eyes as he hummed her lullaby and was quickly back asleep.

As soon as he was sure she was once again fully asleep, Edward made his way, as silently as possible, back downstairs. His family was waiting patiently, but they seemed to have even more questions than before.

Jasper spoke first. "That was an interesting and intense array of emotions." After raising an eyebrow at him, Jasper elaborated in his mind. _Disbelief, amusement, self-hate, pain, lots of pain, sadness, loneliness, anger, unworthiness, and a very, very small amount of hope. I think you're right about her believing we're a hallucination. It's going to take a lot to convince her._

Edward nodded once, feeling a little helpless, before turning to the rest of his family. "I think we should wait until she wakes up in the morning and then just see how things go. Bella is very odd, we all know that, so we don't know what she believes or thinks she knows about her current situation. The fact that she actually came down the stairs partway is a huge improvement from what she's apparently been like for the past six months." He could hear almost everyone wince internally.

"What do you mean what she's been like?" Of course Esme would ask the question everyone would like to know and yet not know at the same time. Edward grimaced slightly.

"She's been almost catatonic. She refused to eat, drink, talk, or move at all. She would respond to stimulus, but other than that she just stayed curled up in her room." Edward stopped, knowing that his entire family, even Rosalie, was slightly horrified at the circumstances they had left Bella in.

"You're going to have to go to work tomorrow." Alice stated simply, earning a confused glare from Edward. "What? You don't think that they would put a missing patient and then missing staff member together? At least if you go you could find out what theories they have on how she went missing and you can alleviate any suspicion that you kidnapped her."

Edward knew she was right, but that didn't change the fact that he never wanted to leave Bella's side again. He sighed deeply, running his hands through his hair before he mumbled his agreement.

"Great! I'll be sure to take good care of her tomorrow evening while you're at work. We could have so much fun!"

"Alice! No!" Edward was immediately wary of anything she could be planning. "You know exactly how much she enjoyed your makeovers before we left, she doesn't need you torturing her anymore in the condition she's in." Alice began to pout. "No. And that's final. Besides, while I'm at work she should be asleep. She's a human, she needs sleep."

Alice seemed to see reason, thankfully, and backed off but not before Edward gave Jasper a meaningful look, saying "keep her away from Bella."

-x-

The last thing I remembered was falling asleep in the cold embrace of my hallucination. It was very disorienting to wake up in a bed and room that I've never been in. I heard the soft murmur of voices coming from outside the open door and decided to investigate, ignoring the fact that I _should_ be in a padded cell.

The voices appeared to be coming from down the stairs, so that's where I headed, only to stop halfway down the staircase, which was where I could see the owner's of said voices. I sat down on the stair I was at, beginning to giggle again.

How amusing. I hadn't just imagined _him_, this time I had managed to hallucinate his entire _family_ and a house. My giggles became louder. _He_ appeared before me and scooped me up into his arms. I stiffened automatically, knowing this sort of contact would pain me later, when my hallucinations winked out.

After about half a second, I found myself sitting back on the bed I had awoken in. _He_ asked me to sleep, and I realized that I was actually tired. After looking down to make sure nothing about the bed had changed, I smiled slightly at my imaginary love and laid down to sleep.


End file.
